1
00:00:02,003 --> 00:00:04,536
[instrumental music]
2
00:00:07,675 --> 00:00:10,175
(man on TV)
'Okay, we're back. We're ready
to open the phone lines.'
3
00:00:10,177 --> 00:00:13,145
'Today's topic,
nuclear arms limitations.'
4
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'Our guests,
Undersecretary Simon Dryden'
5
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'and Sammy Davis Jr..'
6
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'Hi, you're on the air.'
7
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Hello, Larry. ALF.
8
00:00:21,389 --> 00:00:24,723
(Larry)
'Yes, ALF, we haven't heard
from you in a day or two now.'
9
00:00:24,725 --> 00:00:26,058
- 'How are you?'
- Fine, Lar.
10
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- How's the sore knee?
- 'Comin' along.'
11
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Sammy, shalom.
12
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(Larry)
'So, what's up?'
13
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Well, I've got the solution
to this nuclear bomb thing.
14
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- 'Great. Let's hear it.'
- Get rid of 'em.
15
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They're dangerous!
16
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(Larry)
'Okay. Uh, Mr. Dryden,
would you like to respond?'
17
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(Dryden)
'Uh, well, I-I think
what you've done, Mr. ALF'
18
00:00:48,182 --> 00:00:50,916
'is oversimplified
the problem somewhat.'
19
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Here it comes, Brian.
Better go get the shovel.
20
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[indistinct chatter on phone]
21
00:00:56,257 --> 00:00:58,924
Mom, ALF is on the phone again.
22
00:00:58,926 --> 00:01:01,026
I know he is, but it keeps him
out of the kitchen.
23
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- Where is your father?
- I don't know.
24
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Mom, I need to use the phone.
25
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In a minute, dear.
26
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ALF, would-would you
turn that down?
27
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Sorry, Larry. Just some static.
28
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[door opens]
29
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Honey, hi, where have you been?
30
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Hi, Kate.
I'm sorry I'm so late.
31
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Daddy, I have got to get
my own phone.
32
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Oh, fine, thank you. And you?
33
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Hi, uh, B and A.
34
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W!
35
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- Well, why didn't you call?
- I'm sorry.
36
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I tried to call, but somebody's
been on the phone!
37
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Hey, cut me a break!
38
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I'm trying to save your planet
39
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from nuclear devastation,
alright?
40
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Oh? Well, then, go right ahead.
41
00:01:41,435 --> 00:01:43,702
Nothing, Lar,
just a domestic spat.
42
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Daddy, this is totally unfair.
43
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Alright, we'll look
into call-waiting.
44
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- Okay?
- Call-waiting won't help.
45
00:01:49,477 --> 00:01:51,610
I need my own phone line.
46
00:01:51,612 --> 00:01:53,145
Kathy McDermott
has her own phone line
47
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and her family
doesn't even have an alien.
48
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Would they like one?
49
00:01:59,286 --> 00:02:02,488
Willie, she's right. We have
to talk to ALF about the phone.
50
00:02:02,490 --> 00:02:04,456
Right. Uh, ALF..
51
00:02:04,458 --> 00:02:05,591
Yeah, yeah, but what do you do
52
00:02:05,593 --> 00:02:08,827
when your sister
glows in the dark?
53
00:02:08,829 --> 00:02:11,930
Oh, sorry. I didn't know that.
54
00:02:11,932 --> 00:02:14,500
Brian, sit on the couch
and finish your homework.
55
00:02:14,502 --> 00:02:16,168
I'm gonna order
some Chinese food.
56
00:02:16,170 --> 00:02:18,670
Listen, we've gotta talk
about this phone thing.
57
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Sorry, Dryden, no offense, but,
but we're getting nowhere here.
58
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Yeah, I may have to go
over your head. Who's your boss?
59
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The president of what?
All 50 of 'em?
60
00:02:31,685 --> 00:02:33,252
ALF, would you please--
61
00:02:33,254 --> 00:02:34,853
Well, where is he?
62
00:02:34,855 --> 00:02:38,524
Well, don't they have a phone
on the president's plane?
63
00:02:38,526 --> 00:02:40,325
Yeah, yeah, right.
Well, why don't..
64
00:02:40,327 --> 00:02:43,529
Why don't you just give me
that number? Yeah, go ahead.
65
00:02:43,531 --> 00:02:45,697
What? What do you mean?
66
00:02:45,699 --> 00:02:49,034
Well, fine! Be that way!
I'll look it up!
67
00:02:49,036 --> 00:02:51,703
Alright, listen to me,
and listen carefully.
68
00:02:51,705 --> 00:02:54,306
The use of the phone
is a privilege around here
69
00:02:54,308 --> 00:02:56,508
not an inalienable right.
70
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And I mean just that.
71
00:02:58,312 --> 00:03:00,145
Now, if you don't start
showing some consideration
72
00:03:00,147 --> 00:03:01,647
for the rest of us,
that privilege
73
00:03:01,649 --> 00:03:03,549
will be revoked. Is that clear?
74
00:03:03,551 --> 00:03:05,984
I can't concentrate here
with all this noise!
75
00:03:05,986 --> 00:03:08,654
Listen, Brain, when your dad's
through yellin' at ya
76
00:03:08,656 --> 00:03:11,356
come on out with me
to the garage, alright?
77
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Alright.
78
00:03:13,627 --> 00:03:15,961
ALF, I'm talking to you!
79
00:03:15,963 --> 00:03:18,363
Not now, Willie, not now.
I'm on a mission.
80
00:03:18,365 --> 00:03:20,399
Call me when dinner's ready.
81
00:03:20,401 --> 00:03:24,736
Dad, why are you so mad at ALF?
82
00:03:24,738 --> 00:03:27,839
When you grow up
and have an alien of your own
83
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you'll understand.
84
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[theme music]
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[inaudible]
86
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[music continues]
87
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¶ Well meet George Jetson ¶
88
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¶ Pana-bum-pum
thana-thana-thana.. ¶
89
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[scatting]
90
00:04:40,914 --> 00:04:42,648
¶ His daughter Judy ¶
91
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¶ Pam-pam-param ¶
92
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[scatting]
93
00:04:47,755 --> 00:04:49,655
¶ His boy uh his boy uh.. ¶¶
94
00:04:49,657 --> 00:04:51,890
Hey, Willie, quick.
What's the Jetson kid's name?
95
00:04:51,892 --> 00:04:53,258
- Leroy?
- Elroy.
96
00:04:53,260 --> 00:04:54,493
That's it.
97
00:04:54,495 --> 00:04:56,828
Uh, listen, ALF,
uh, the food came.
98
00:04:56,830 --> 00:04:58,830
I thought
maybe we could eat out here
99
00:04:58,832 --> 00:05:01,266
uh, ha-have a little chat.
100
00:05:01,268 --> 00:05:02,734
I'd like that.
101
00:05:03,504 --> 00:05:05,270
What happened here?
102
00:05:05,272 --> 00:05:07,906
(Willie)
'That's twice-cooked pork.'
103
00:05:07,908 --> 00:05:10,809
Looks like twice-eaten pork.
104
00:05:10,811 --> 00:05:12,177
Alright, ALF, listen
105
00:05:12,179 --> 00:05:14,646
uh, I'm not sure
I had your full attention--
106
00:05:14,648 --> 00:05:15,847
Hey, I hate to interrupt you
107
00:05:15,849 --> 00:05:17,182
but can you hand me
a screwdriver?
108
00:05:17,184 --> 00:05:18,817
- Yeah, sure.
- Phillips!
109
00:05:18,819 --> 00:05:21,853
- Okay. Uh, there you go.
- Thanks.
110
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You know, ALF,
we've all gotta do our part
111
00:05:24,291 --> 00:05:27,693
to get along here,
you see, a family is like--
112
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- Pliers.
- Yes.
113
00:05:29,430 --> 00:05:31,863
Or a crescent wrench.
114
00:05:31,865 --> 00:05:35,033
Each one adjusts to each
little situation as need be--
115
00:05:35,035 --> 00:05:38,470
- Hand me the pliers!
- Oh, yeah, sure.
116
00:05:38,472 --> 00:05:41,039
Alright, listen.
Here's what I'm trying to say.
117
00:05:41,041 --> 00:05:42,808
- Go for it.
- Uh..
118
00:05:42,810 --> 00:05:44,876
It's a question of respect
119
00:05:44,878 --> 00:05:48,146
and cooperation, of course,
and courtesy.
120
00:05:48,148 --> 00:05:52,150
The three Cs. Cooperation,
courtesy and respect.
121
00:05:52,152 --> 00:05:55,954
Well, uh, two Cs and an R.
But you-you see what I mean.
122
00:05:55,956 --> 00:05:57,556
- Huh?
- Absolutely, look.
123
00:05:57,558 --> 00:06:00,058
Would you hold this wire
while I turn on the juice?
124
00:06:00,060 --> 00:06:01,493
- Sure. You know..
- Right there.
125
00:06:01,495 --> 00:06:04,262
That's my short-wave radio!
126
00:06:06,900 --> 00:06:10,202
Do you know how long I..
127
00:06:10,838 --> 00:06:12,537
Lo-o-ong..
128
00:06:13,807 --> 00:06:15,574
It took me ten years
129
00:06:15,576 --> 00:06:17,676
to put that thing together.
130
00:06:17,678 --> 00:06:21,246
I'm glad to see
you haven't wasted your life.
131
00:06:21,248 --> 00:06:23,348
First the phone
and now the radio.
132
00:06:23,350 --> 00:06:25,751
Whoa, whoa, whoa!
What about the phone?
133
00:06:25,753 --> 00:06:27,552
You're on it all the time.
134
00:06:27,554 --> 00:06:29,588
Hey! Operators are standing by!
135
00:06:29,590 --> 00:06:33,759
- I've got calls to make.
- It's got to stop.
136
00:06:33,761 --> 00:06:36,762
Fine.
First I can't use the radio.
137
00:06:36,764 --> 00:06:38,830
Now I can't use the phone.
138
00:06:38,832 --> 00:06:41,233
What next? The curling iron?
139
00:06:41,235 --> 00:06:44,736
- Your toothbrush?
- You use my toothbrush?
140
00:06:44,738 --> 00:06:46,938
Yours is the green one, right?
141
00:06:47,741 --> 00:06:49,341
It was.
142
00:06:49,343 --> 00:06:51,543
Alright, what's the big deal?
I'll use Kate's.
143
00:06:51,545 --> 00:06:55,414
No, you're not using
anybody's toothbrush.
144
00:06:55,416 --> 00:06:59,050
Okay. No toothbrush.
What about the radio?
145
00:06:59,052 --> 00:07:01,787
Alright, just don't
put it in your mouth.
146
00:07:01,789 --> 00:07:03,855
Thanks,
I'll be through in a minute
147
00:07:03,857 --> 00:07:06,258
as soon as I contact
Air Force One.
148
00:07:06,260 --> 00:07:07,959
- The president's plane?
- 'Mm-hmm.'
149
00:07:07,961 --> 00:07:10,762
No. No, you can't do that.
150
00:07:10,764 --> 00:07:12,297
Willie, it's my duty.
151
00:07:12,299 --> 00:07:13,899
I mean, I mean,
I've been through
152
00:07:13,901 --> 00:07:16,268
one nuclear disaster already.
153
00:07:16,270 --> 00:07:18,403
It's no picnic.
154
00:07:18,405 --> 00:07:19,638
Nuclear? The..
155
00:07:19,640 --> 00:07:22,073
You mean, that's how
your planet exploded?
156
00:07:22,075 --> 00:07:25,877
No, we all plugged our
hair dryers in at the same time.
157
00:07:27,247 --> 00:07:29,915
Listen, ALF,
even if you could figure out
158
00:07:29,917 --> 00:07:32,150
how to call the president,
you'd never get through
159
00:07:32,152 --> 00:07:34,553
because that signal's scrambled.
160
00:07:34,555 --> 00:07:35,887
- So?
- So..
161
00:07:35,889 --> 00:07:38,590
It's illegal
to break a scrambled signal.
162
00:07:38,592 --> 00:07:40,058
And it's immoral!
163
00:07:40,060 --> 00:07:42,661
What about you and "Tootsie?"
164
00:07:42,663 --> 00:07:44,663
I beg your pardon?
165
00:07:44,665 --> 00:07:48,099
Well, last week
we all watched "Tootsie" on HBO.
166
00:07:48,101 --> 00:07:49,401
Isn't HBO scrambled?
167
00:07:49,403 --> 00:07:51,837
- Well, yes, but--
- But what?
168
00:07:51,839 --> 00:07:53,972
Seeing that
you don't pay for HBO
169
00:07:53,974 --> 00:07:57,676
isn't what you're doing
illegal, immoral?
170
00:07:57,678 --> 00:08:00,579
Absolutely not.
171
00:08:00,581 --> 00:08:02,948
They gave us
a two-week free trial
172
00:08:02,950 --> 00:08:05,183
and they forgot to unhook it.
173
00:08:11,191 --> 00:08:14,025
Just, uh, put the radio
back together when..
174
00:08:14,027 --> 00:08:15,594
No problem.
175
00:08:17,798 --> 00:08:19,865
[sighs]
Are you gonna eat this food?
176
00:08:19,867 --> 00:08:21,032
No, but leave it.
177
00:08:21,034 --> 00:08:22,467
I'd like to see what it does
178
00:08:22,469 --> 00:08:24,102
when it wakes up.
179
00:08:26,874 --> 00:08:29,307
¶ George Jetson pam-pam-param ¶
180
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¶ His boy Elroy ¶¶
181
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[scatting]
182
00:08:37,017 --> 00:08:40,218
[instrumental music]
183
00:08:44,658 --> 00:08:46,725
[keyboard keys clicking]
184
00:08:46,727 --> 00:08:48,393
[buzzing]
185
00:08:50,063 --> 00:08:51,563
Air Force One.
Hogarth speaking.
186
00:08:51,565 --> 00:08:53,632
How may I help you,
sir or madam
187
00:08:53,634 --> 00:08:55,467
as the case may be?
188
00:08:57,137 --> 00:09:00,138
ALF? ALF who?
189
00:09:01,708 --> 00:09:05,210
- Mr. Defoe--
- Not now, Hogarth. I'm winning.
190
00:09:05,212 --> 00:09:08,580
Yes, sir, but perhaps
you should take this call.
191
00:09:08,582 --> 00:09:12,083
- What does she want now?
- It's not your wife, sir.
192
00:09:12,085 --> 00:09:14,252
It's someone
calling himself ALF.
193
00:09:14,254 --> 00:09:16,054
And he wants to talk
to the president.
194
00:09:16,056 --> 00:09:18,223
What? How did he get the code?
195
00:09:18,225 --> 00:09:20,992
I don't know.
Maybe from your wife.
196
00:09:22,029 --> 00:09:23,528
That's a joke, sir.
197
00:09:23,530 --> 00:09:26,097
Not funny, Hogarth.
198
00:09:26,099 --> 00:09:29,000
Apparently not, sir.
199
00:09:29,002 --> 00:09:31,002
Do you wanna talk to ALF?
200
00:09:31,004 --> 00:09:32,737
- ALF who?
- I don't know, sir.
201
00:09:32,739 --> 00:09:35,540
All he said was ALF. A-L-F.
202
00:09:35,542 --> 00:09:37,609
A-L-F.
203
00:09:37,611 --> 00:09:40,278
Maybe it stands
for some radical, subversive
204
00:09:40,280 --> 00:09:42,080
commie, pinko group.
205
00:09:42,082 --> 00:09:44,082
Could be a family name.
206
00:09:44,084 --> 00:09:46,851
- Just look it up.
- Looking, sir.
207
00:09:46,853 --> 00:09:48,720
And get me an immediate trace
on this call.
208
00:09:48,722 --> 00:09:50,555
- Tracing, sir.
- And punch up the speaker.
209
00:09:50,557 --> 00:09:53,491
- You should listen to this.
- Punching and listening, sir.
210
00:09:55,228 --> 00:09:57,128
Hello? Can I help you?
211
00:09:57,130 --> 00:09:59,864
It's about time.
Is that you, Mr. President?
212
00:09:59,866 --> 00:10:02,534
No, this is Mr. Defoe.
The president's not available.
213
00:10:02,536 --> 00:10:05,103
(ALF)
'It's an airplane.
How far can he be?'
214
00:10:05,105 --> 00:10:06,638
He's indisposed.
215
00:10:06,640 --> 00:10:07,939
What does that mean?
216
00:10:07,941 --> 00:10:10,108
He can't come to the phone now.
217
00:10:10,110 --> 00:10:12,477
- Why not?
- He's busy.
218
00:10:12,479 --> 00:10:14,646
(ALF)
'Doing what?'
219
00:10:14,648 --> 00:10:16,982
He's in the bathroom.
220
00:10:16,984 --> 00:10:19,317
Oh, he's indisposed.
221
00:10:20,921 --> 00:10:22,153
- What do you want?
- 'Well..'
222
00:10:22,155 --> 00:10:24,489
'Tell him it's about the bombs.'
223
00:10:24,491 --> 00:10:27,058
[dramatic music]
224
00:10:27,060 --> 00:10:30,595
Bombs, sir?
What bombs would those be?
225
00:10:30,597 --> 00:10:33,098
(ALF)
'The bombs
we're thinking about using.'
226
00:10:33,100 --> 00:10:35,400
'Listen, tell the president
I'm serious'
227
00:10:35,402 --> 00:10:37,002
'and time is running out.'
228
00:10:37,004 --> 00:10:41,406
'I'd like to settle this before
anybody pushes any buttons.'
229
00:10:41,408 --> 00:10:42,474
- Hogarth!
- Yes, sir.
230
00:10:42,476 --> 00:10:43,842
What have we got on the A-L-F?
231
00:10:43,844 --> 00:10:44,943
Well, so far we've got
232
00:10:44,945 --> 00:10:46,578
the American Laundry Federation
233
00:10:46,580 --> 00:10:50,515
and the Association
of Lawn Fertilizer.
234
00:10:51,184 --> 00:10:53,251
Shall we round them up?
235
00:10:54,955 --> 00:10:57,155
The tracing's complete, sir.
236
00:10:58,692 --> 00:11:01,493
Mister, about those bombs
237
00:11:01,495 --> 00:11:03,762
shall I interpret this
to be a threat?
238
00:11:03,764 --> 00:11:07,198
(ALF)
'Of course, it's a threat.
What kind of question is that?'
239
00:11:07,200 --> 00:11:09,601
That's all I wanted to hear.
240
00:11:11,605 --> 00:11:12,671
Get me the FBI.
241
00:11:12,673 --> 00:11:14,673
[instrumental music]
242
00:11:16,043 --> 00:11:17,976
Okay, I think I solved it.
243
00:11:17,978 --> 00:11:20,211
Everybody,
give me your attention.
244
00:11:20,213 --> 00:11:22,347
What are, what are we watching?
245
00:11:22,349 --> 00:11:24,382
- "Tootsie."
- Oh, no.
246
00:11:24,384 --> 00:11:26,017
Let's not watch that.
247
00:11:26,019 --> 00:11:28,219
Let's not watch anything.
248
00:11:28,221 --> 00:11:30,355
I wanna show you my chart.
249
00:11:31,324 --> 00:11:34,125
- Yo, Willie!
- Yeah! What?
250
00:11:34,127 --> 00:11:38,496
Quick question.
What does FBI stand for?
251
00:11:38,498 --> 00:11:41,232
Federal Bureau of Investigation.
Why?
252
00:11:41,234 --> 00:11:43,802
Just curious.
253
00:11:43,804 --> 00:11:46,471
Well, uh, what do you think?
254
00:11:46,473 --> 00:11:48,206
It's very nice, dear.
255
00:11:48,208 --> 00:11:51,676
This shows our whole family,
aliens inclusive
256
00:11:51,678 --> 00:11:53,912
and when each of us
can use the phone.
257
00:11:53,914 --> 00:11:57,082
Oh, honey, I'm sorry, but Brian
can't stay up till 11 o'clock.
258
00:11:57,084 --> 00:11:58,983
Oh, no, that's a mistake.
259
00:11:58,985 --> 00:12:01,186
Uh, we'll switch that
with Lynn's time
260
00:12:01,188 --> 00:12:02,754
to call her boyfriend.
261
00:12:02,756 --> 00:12:06,291
Daddy, Lash can't stay up
until 11 o'clock.
262
00:12:07,160 --> 00:12:08,560
[doorbell ringing]
263
00:12:09,596 --> 00:12:11,529
Who am I going to call
at 4 a.m.?
264
00:12:11,531 --> 00:12:14,799
I know, it's not perfect,
but it's a start.
265
00:12:18,371 --> 00:12:20,338
Howdy.
Sorry to bother you like this.
266
00:12:20,340 --> 00:12:22,607
But I was wondering
if Willie Tanner might be in.
267
00:12:22,609 --> 00:12:24,375
- Oh, speaking.
- Oh, excellent.
268
00:12:24,377 --> 00:12:25,944
- FBI.
- You have the right..
269
00:12:25,946 --> 00:12:27,178
- To remain silent.
- What?
270
00:12:27,180 --> 00:12:29,013
- Daddy!
- What are you doing?
271
00:12:29,015 --> 00:12:32,350
- Kate!
- Mommy, make them stop.
272
00:12:32,352 --> 00:12:33,752
Please. Please, leave him alone.
273
00:12:33,754 --> 00:12:35,687
We'll just be a minute, ma'am.
Let's go, pal.
274
00:12:35,689 --> 00:12:37,889
- And we'll take this, too.
- No, not my chart!
275
00:12:37,891 --> 00:12:40,391
- Sorry for the trouble, ma'am.
- Why are you doing this?
276
00:12:40,393 --> 00:12:42,527
It's the law, ma'am.
277
00:12:42,529 --> 00:12:44,763
This is what happens
when someone threatens
278
00:12:44,765 --> 00:12:46,931
national security.
279
00:12:46,933 --> 00:12:48,366
Nice meeting you.
280
00:12:48,368 --> 00:12:50,902
(Willie)
'Oh, hello, Mrs. Ochmonek.'
281
00:12:50,904 --> 00:12:53,371
Mom, what did he do?
282
00:12:54,274 --> 00:12:56,474
I don't know.
283
00:12:56,476 --> 00:12:58,476
Hey, what's going on?
284
00:12:58,478 --> 00:13:00,411
Daddy's been arrested.
285
00:13:00,413 --> 00:13:03,782
Boy, those HBO guys
mean business.
286
00:13:04,451 --> 00:13:07,652
[instrumental music]
287
00:13:10,991 --> 00:13:13,324
I can't believe ALF
actually used your short wave
288
00:13:13,326 --> 00:13:14,626
to call the president!
289
00:13:14,628 --> 00:13:15,994
Shh, shh!
290
00:13:19,599 --> 00:13:22,500
I don't know what happened, all
I know is somebody used my radio
291
00:13:22,502 --> 00:13:25,837
and now I'm a criminal,
and they're going to hang me.
292
00:13:25,839 --> 00:13:29,107
Willie, I don't think
they hang people anymore.
293
00:13:29,109 --> 00:13:31,442
But they think I'm a threat
to national security.
294
00:13:31,444 --> 00:13:34,179
A terrorist, Kate.
295
00:13:34,181 --> 00:13:36,447
I'm not a terrorist.
296
00:13:36,449 --> 00:13:38,850
Honey, I know that.
297
00:13:38,852 --> 00:13:40,852
They fingerprinted me.
298
00:13:40,854 --> 00:13:43,822
It washes right off.
299
00:13:43,824 --> 00:13:45,623
I'm not going to prison.
300
00:13:45,625 --> 00:13:47,992
I saw "Midnight Express."
You remember?
301
00:13:47,994 --> 00:13:50,695
- They made him eat bugs.
- That was "Papillon."
302
00:13:50,697 --> 00:13:53,464
In "Midnight Express"
they broke his feet.
303
00:13:53,466 --> 00:13:55,533
I stand corrected.
304
00:13:55,535 --> 00:13:58,269
How about "Stir Crazy?"
That wasn't so bad.
305
00:13:58,271 --> 00:14:00,772
That was a comedy.
306
00:14:00,774 --> 00:14:02,340
Willie, stop.
307
00:14:02,342 --> 00:14:04,175
It's obvious
you have to tell the truth.
308
00:14:04,177 --> 00:14:05,276
Of-of course, the truth.
309
00:14:05,278 --> 00:14:06,811
I'll just,
I'll explain it to them.
310
00:14:06,813 --> 00:14:09,380
An alien took control
of my radio.
311
00:14:09,382 --> 00:14:10,982
"Uh, why would he do that?"
they'll ask.
312
00:14:10,984 --> 00:14:14,385
And I'll say, "Because I
wouldn't let him use the phone."
313
00:14:16,289 --> 00:14:17,655
Maybe, we can clear
this whole thing up
314
00:14:17,657 --> 00:14:19,724
without having
to tell the truth.
315
00:14:19,726 --> 00:14:22,060
The truth is,
I never should have let ALF
316
00:14:22,062 --> 00:14:24,696
anywhere near my short wave!
317
00:14:26,900 --> 00:14:31,169
Okay, okay, maybe it was wrong
of ALF to call the president.
318
00:14:31,171 --> 00:14:33,304
Maybe?
319
00:14:33,306 --> 00:14:35,340
Alright..
320
00:14:35,342 --> 00:14:37,041
Okay, it was wrong.
321
00:14:37,043 --> 00:14:38,977
But, you know, you have
to respect him for the way
322
00:14:38,979 --> 00:14:40,578
he feels about nuclear war.
323
00:14:40,580 --> 00:14:42,247
I think it's commendable
that he's willing
324
00:14:42,249 --> 00:14:45,850
to send me to jail
for his beliefs.
325
00:14:45,852 --> 00:14:48,853
At least he cares about
something other than food.
326
00:14:48,855 --> 00:14:53,358
Great. Now he cares about
nuclear war and food.
327
00:14:53,360 --> 00:14:56,794
Sorry, ma'am, I need a moment
alone with the alleged traitor.
328
00:14:57,664 --> 00:14:59,097
Willie, I'll be right back.
329
00:14:59,099 --> 00:15:01,432
I'm gonna see what's taking
that lawyer so long.
330
00:15:01,434 --> 00:15:02,834
You wait here.
331
00:15:05,005 --> 00:15:06,638
Right. Sorry.
332
00:15:07,540 --> 00:15:09,574
Good afternoon, ALF.
333
00:15:10,543 --> 00:15:13,645
I need to talk with you
about this.
334
00:15:15,749 --> 00:15:17,448
Just who are all these people
335
00:15:17,450 --> 00:15:19,918
and why are they on the phone
all the time?
336
00:15:21,421 --> 00:15:24,622
[dramatic music]
337
00:15:28,128 --> 00:15:30,628
Watch, this is my favorite part.
338
00:15:30,630 --> 00:15:32,363
Why is dad on TV again?
339
00:15:32,365 --> 00:15:34,299
He's not. I taped it.
340
00:15:34,301 --> 00:15:36,734
- You taped my dad's arrest?
- Yeah.
341
00:15:36,736 --> 00:15:38,136
Thought he might like
to catch it
342
00:15:38,138 --> 00:15:39,938
when he gets out of the slammer
343
00:15:39,940 --> 00:15:43,274
see what he looked like
when he was young.
344
00:15:43,276 --> 00:15:45,610
ALF, I mean it.
345
00:15:45,612 --> 00:15:48,046
Sometimes
I don't understand you at all.
346
00:15:48,048 --> 00:15:51,015
- Tell her, Brian.
- He's an alien.
347
00:15:52,085 --> 00:15:53,785
Okay, but besides that.
348
00:15:53,787 --> 00:15:55,486
Don't you get
what's happened here?
349
00:15:55,488 --> 00:15:57,622
My dad got arrested
because of you.
350
00:15:57,624 --> 00:15:59,290
Don't you even care?
351
00:15:59,292 --> 00:16:02,727
Of course I care.
I feel terrible.
352
00:16:02,729 --> 00:16:05,997
He's my Willie. My goombah.
353
00:16:05,999 --> 00:16:08,166
It just doesn't seem like it
sometimes.
354
00:16:08,168 --> 00:16:11,336
Hey, I haven't forgotten
about him.
355
00:16:11,338 --> 00:16:15,673
In fact, I'm working
on something right now.
356
00:16:15,675 --> 00:16:18,142
Alright, now look,
the FBI's got him.
357
00:16:18,144 --> 00:16:19,644
- Right?
- Right.
358
00:16:19,646 --> 00:16:22,513
And-and-and who gives the orders
to the FBI?
359
00:16:22,515 --> 00:16:25,516
- The president, right?
- Right.
360
00:16:26,319 --> 00:16:27,919
No problem.
361
00:16:27,921 --> 00:16:30,888
The big guy and I
are, are like that.
362
00:16:31,591 --> 00:16:32,657
Come on, Brian.
363
00:16:32,659 --> 00:16:34,592
Let's go spring daddy.
364
00:16:34,594 --> 00:16:37,762
[instrumental music]
365
00:16:46,706 --> 00:16:50,842
May I suggest playing that
black seven off the red eight?
366
00:16:52,545 --> 00:16:55,313
May I suggest
you answer the phone, Hogarth?
367
00:16:55,315 --> 00:16:57,115
Yes, sir.
368
00:16:57,117 --> 00:17:00,551
Air Force One. How may
I help you, sir or madam?
369
00:17:01,855 --> 00:17:04,188
Oh, hello, ALF.
370
00:17:04,190 --> 00:17:06,491
- Mr. Defoe, it's him!
- Him who, Hogarth?
371
00:17:06,493 --> 00:17:07,959
It's ALF, sir!
372
00:17:07,961 --> 00:17:10,795
[chuckles]
That's not possible. We got him.
373
00:17:10,797 --> 00:17:12,363
Unless
there's a whole nest of them.
374
00:17:12,365 --> 00:17:14,399
- Hogarth.
- Yes, sir. A-L-F.
375
00:17:14,401 --> 00:17:18,036
I have
the Alabama Lunatic Fringe..
376
00:17:18,038 --> 00:17:20,571
Will you see if Willie Tanner's
still in jail?
377
00:17:20,573 --> 00:17:22,840
Yes, sir.
378
00:17:22,842 --> 00:17:25,076
You might try that four of
spades on the five of diamonds--
379
00:17:25,078 --> 00:17:28,679
Just place the call.
And trace this one.
380
00:17:28,681 --> 00:17:30,648
Placing and tracing, sir.
381
00:17:31,885 --> 00:17:33,084
Defoe here.
382
00:17:33,086 --> 00:17:35,586
Yo, Defoe, remember me?
383
00:17:35,588 --> 00:17:37,755
How about putting the chief on?
384
00:17:37,757 --> 00:17:39,924
Uh, I'm sorry, he's indisposed.
385
00:17:39,926 --> 00:17:43,061
You mean
he's in the bathroom again.
386
00:17:43,063 --> 00:17:45,229
That's classified.
What do you want now?
387
00:17:45,231 --> 00:17:48,766
Listen, no offense,
but, uh, last time we talked
388
00:17:48,768 --> 00:17:52,070
things got all messed up.
I'll call back when he's out.
389
00:17:52,072 --> 00:17:56,174
No! Uh, no.
I'll-I'll see what I can do.
390
00:17:58,912 --> 00:18:00,078
[clicks]
391
00:18:03,249 --> 00:18:04,882
Hello, sir?
392
00:18:04,884 --> 00:18:07,685
I'm sorry to bother you in there
393
00:18:07,687 --> 00:18:08,953
but we have
this little situation.
394
00:18:08,955 --> 00:18:11,222
I-I wonder if you could talk
to someone
395
00:18:11,224 --> 00:18:13,157
while we trace his call?
396
00:18:14,094 --> 00:18:16,094
Yes, sir, on the phone.
397
00:18:16,096 --> 00:18:18,296
Thank you, sir. Line 2.
398
00:18:20,133 --> 00:18:21,599
Line 2, sir.
399
00:18:22,469 --> 00:18:24,135
One more.
400
00:18:24,137 --> 00:18:26,137
Count from the left.
401
00:18:26,139 --> 00:18:27,271
There you go.
402
00:18:29,642 --> 00:18:31,442
(president on radio)
'Uh, hello?'
403
00:18:31,444 --> 00:18:33,211
Listen, I know you're a busy guy
404
00:18:33,213 --> 00:18:35,146
so I'll make this brief.
405
00:18:35,148 --> 00:18:36,881
Willie Tanner's in jail.
406
00:18:36,883 --> 00:18:39,484
And I think it's my fault.
407
00:18:39,486 --> 00:18:42,553
- 'Oh, really?'
- Yeah, he's innocent.
408
00:18:42,555 --> 00:18:44,322
He didn't call you, I did.
409
00:18:44,324 --> 00:18:47,992
(president)
'Oh, goodness, it-it sounds
pretty complicated.'
410
00:18:47,994 --> 00:18:49,594
Yeah,
but it shouldn't have been.
411
00:18:49,596 --> 00:18:50,962
You see, all I wanted to do
412
00:18:50,964 --> 00:18:53,598
was talk to you
about your bombs.
413
00:18:53,600 --> 00:18:55,266
'Oh, now look,
you're not gonna bring up'
414
00:18:55,268 --> 00:18:56,400
'the "Bonzo" films again.'
415
00:18:56,402 --> 00:18:57,602
'I was under contract.'
416
00:18:57,604 --> 00:18:59,770
'I had no choice.'
417
00:18:59,772 --> 00:19:03,841
No, no, no, not those bombs.
The nuclear ones.
418
00:19:03,843 --> 00:19:05,676
We've only got one planet.
419
00:19:05,678 --> 00:19:07,745
So why don't you and the Russki
420
00:19:07,747 --> 00:19:09,981
ease up a little, will ya?
421
00:19:11,251 --> 00:19:14,352
'I'm, uh, I'm sure we'll do'
422
00:19:14,354 --> 00:19:16,120
'everything we can.'
423
00:19:16,122 --> 00:19:18,990
Hope I haven't oversimplified
the problem.
424
00:19:18,992 --> 00:19:23,361
'Oh, hold on. They did?
Goody. Thank you.'
425
00:19:23,363 --> 00:19:26,864
'Uh, Mr. ALF, we're sending
someone around right now'
426
00:19:26,866 --> 00:19:29,934
'to follow up on this thing.
You just sit tight, okay?'
427
00:19:29,936 --> 00:19:33,371
You, too. Loved Patty's book.
428
00:19:34,541 --> 00:19:37,208
Perfect. They're on their way.
429
00:19:37,210 --> 00:19:40,211
Perfect? They're not
coming here to help.
430
00:19:40,213 --> 00:19:44,315
They're coming here to arrest
us, like they arrested daddy!
431
00:19:44,317 --> 00:19:46,484
Brian, Brian, get a grip!
432
00:19:46,486 --> 00:19:47,718
You think your old buddy ALF
433
00:19:47,720 --> 00:19:49,654
would get his family
in hot water
434
00:19:49,656 --> 00:19:52,056
if he didn't have
a foolproof backup plan?
435
00:19:52,058 --> 00:19:54,825
- Sure.
- Of course, he would.
436
00:19:54,827 --> 00:19:57,762
But this time I have a plan.
437
00:20:02,735 --> 00:20:04,635
FBI! Freeze!
438
00:20:05,572 --> 00:20:08,306
Wait a minute. Who are you?
439
00:20:08,308 --> 00:20:11,676
Me? I'm ALF. ALF Tanner.
440
00:20:11,678 --> 00:20:13,811
You're ALF?
441
00:20:13,813 --> 00:20:16,414
- How old are you?
- Six.
442
00:20:16,416 --> 00:20:19,016
- But I'm going on seven.
- I thought I heard someone.
443
00:20:19,018 --> 00:20:20,851
Oh, good afternoon, ma'am.
Good to see you again.
444
00:20:20,853 --> 00:20:23,387
Doing something different
with your hair?
445
00:20:23,389 --> 00:20:24,922
What are you doing here?
446
00:20:24,924 --> 00:20:28,192
- Brian, what's going on here?
- Brian?
447
00:20:28,194 --> 00:20:31,028
- I thought his name was ALF.
- ALF?
448
00:20:31,030 --> 00:20:33,264
What do you mean
his name is ALF?
449
00:20:33,266 --> 00:20:34,565
[Brian clears throat]
450
00:20:34,567 --> 00:20:36,767
Oh, ALF!
451
00:20:36,769 --> 00:20:39,704
Yes, yes, of course, it is.
452
00:20:39,706 --> 00:20:42,607
Uh, I mean, uh,
his real name is-is Brian
453
00:20:42,609 --> 00:20:46,544
but we call him ALF, for short.
454
00:20:46,546 --> 00:20:47,878
Kind of a pet name.
455
00:20:47,880 --> 00:20:49,780
Ma'am, were you aware that ALF
456
00:20:49,782 --> 00:20:51,716
was using this radio equipment?
457
00:20:51,718 --> 00:20:53,918
Well, no, I was not aware.
458
00:20:53,920 --> 00:20:57,555
But, yes,
I am becoming aware of it now.
459
00:20:57,557 --> 00:21:00,625
Brian, what did we say
460
00:21:00,627 --> 00:21:02,793
about calling the president?
461
00:21:02,795 --> 00:21:05,529
- I don't know.
- We said..
462
00:21:05,531 --> 00:21:07,465
Not until after your homework.
463
00:21:07,467 --> 00:21:09,367
Oh, right.
464
00:21:09,369 --> 00:21:12,136
Surely you don't think an
innocent little child like this
465
00:21:12,138 --> 00:21:14,905
could be a threat
to national security?
466
00:21:14,907 --> 00:21:17,408
Well, ma'am, uh..
467
00:21:17,410 --> 00:21:19,644
Would you excuse us
for a minute, please?
468
00:21:19,646 --> 00:21:21,212
[clears throat]
469
00:21:22,282 --> 00:21:24,215
What do you think?
470
00:21:24,217 --> 00:21:25,616
About what?
471
00:21:25,618 --> 00:21:28,085
About what she just said,
could national security
472
00:21:28,087 --> 00:21:29,587
be threatened by a six-year-old?
473
00:21:29,589 --> 00:21:30,955
Oh, he's going on seven.
474
00:21:30,957 --> 00:21:33,057
Still, the president
would not want us
475
00:21:33,059 --> 00:21:35,993
to arrest a little kid.
It'd embarrass everybody.
476
00:21:35,995 --> 00:21:37,828
- Then we shouldn't do it.
- Hm.
477
00:21:37,830 --> 00:21:41,299
Excuse me.
Are you arresting my son?
478
00:21:41,301 --> 00:21:44,635
Um, not at this
point of time, ma'am.
479
00:21:44,637 --> 00:21:46,771
[sighs]
Thank goodness!
480
00:21:46,773 --> 00:21:49,140
What about releasing my husband?
481
00:21:49,142 --> 00:21:50,608
Well, I'm afraid
we're gonna have to call
482
00:21:50,610 --> 00:21:52,009
the president on that one.
483
00:21:52,011 --> 00:21:54,645
I'll call him for you.
484
00:21:54,647 --> 00:21:57,481
- ALF?
- No problem.
485
00:21:57,483 --> 00:22:00,484
[instrumental music]
486
00:22:04,757 --> 00:22:07,425
[instrumental music]
487
00:22:11,464 --> 00:22:12,830
(Kate)
Here we go.
488
00:22:12,832 --> 00:22:14,865
- Reach in there.
- Let's see.
489
00:22:14,867 --> 00:22:16,934
- Oh..
- Ah!
490
00:22:16,936 --> 00:22:19,704
A Presidential Commendation!
491
00:22:19,706 --> 00:22:21,372
Isn't that wonderful?
492
00:22:21,374 --> 00:22:23,974
"To Brian ALF Tanner
493
00:22:23,976 --> 00:22:27,044
"for exposing gaps
in national security
494
00:22:27,046 --> 00:22:30,281
"and for his concern
about world peace
495
00:22:30,283 --> 00:22:33,984
which is something
that I'm in favor of myself."
496
00:22:33,986 --> 00:22:36,120
Alright, Brian, way to go!
497
00:22:36,122 --> 00:22:38,489
"I'm reminded
of my humble beginnings
498
00:22:38,491 --> 00:22:40,891
"when I built a crystal set
in the basement
499
00:22:40,893 --> 00:22:43,527
"of my parents' home in Illinois
500
00:22:43,529 --> 00:22:45,963
or Iowa."
501
00:22:46,866 --> 00:22:49,133
Hey, can you hold it down?
502
00:22:49,135 --> 00:22:51,702
- My show's coming on.
- What's the matter with you?
503
00:22:51,704 --> 00:22:55,539
Oh, nothing, it's not like
I had something to do
504
00:22:55,541 --> 00:22:57,575
with that plaque myself.
505
00:22:57,577 --> 00:23:01,479
Oh. Oh, I'm so sorry.
506
00:23:01,481 --> 00:23:03,547
I feel terrible.
507
00:23:03,549 --> 00:23:05,549
Didn't I thank you?
508
00:23:05,551 --> 00:23:07,918
Did I not say thanks
509
00:23:07,920 --> 00:23:10,654
for subjecting me
to public humiliation?
510
00:23:10,656 --> 00:23:13,057
For almost costing me my job?
511
00:23:13,059 --> 00:23:16,160
For landing me in jail,
for subjecting me--
512
00:23:16,162 --> 00:23:19,330
Hold that thought, will you,
William? The show is on.
513
00:23:19,332 --> 00:23:21,699
Larry's discussing
the Middle East crisis
514
00:23:21,701 --> 00:23:24,835
with Muammar Gaddafi and Charo.
515
00:23:26,205 --> 00:23:28,939
- Daddy, about the phone--
- I know.
516
00:23:28,941 --> 00:23:32,843
I had a lot of time to think
in jail
517
00:23:32,845 --> 00:23:35,379
and, uh, I decided
it's probably worth
518
00:23:35,381 --> 00:23:38,282
the $25 or whatever
for your own line.
519
00:23:38,284 --> 00:23:40,084
Oh, daddy, thanks.
520
00:23:40,086 --> 00:23:43,087
Yeah, that's swell.
Make it a Princess, will ya?
521
00:23:43,089 --> 00:23:45,890
It's not for you, it's for her!
522
00:23:45,892 --> 00:23:46,924
What are you getting me?
523
00:23:46,926 --> 00:23:48,426
I'm getting you your own
524
00:23:48,428 --> 00:23:50,127
toothbrush.
525
00:23:50,129 --> 00:23:53,931
- Why?
- Never mind. You'll thank me.
526
00:23:53,933 --> 00:23:59,103
Yo, Charo, que pasa?
Yeah. Uh-huh.
527
00:23:59,972 --> 00:24:03,207
[theme music]
528
00:24:21,894 --> 00:24:25,062
[music continues]
529
00:24:31,337 --> 00:24:34,038
[ALF laughing]
530
00:24:34,774 --> 00:24:37,975
[instrumental music]